I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
