I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
