he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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