physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
