she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
