A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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