Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wear drunk well.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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