Screwed.edu
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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