Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even my farts smell like vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
