i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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