his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
