I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
