I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This beer is not sobering me up at all
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
