we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
