Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
