she smelled like a LAN party
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize