I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
