Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i believe in u and ur pee
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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