she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
