Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
