i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
