But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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