Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
