ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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