I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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