i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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