Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
