It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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