I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
