just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
