My Higher Power is John Stamos
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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