i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
