Im at strip club and am horny
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
