I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize