I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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