it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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