I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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