Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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