omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
