I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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