how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize