I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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