the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
