Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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