Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
