Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
