I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Someone came in the potted fern
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
