I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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