as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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