If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
