My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
