no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
