Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
