I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
