Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
