He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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