I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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