In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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