There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
