just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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