Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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