The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize