Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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