I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
