Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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