I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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