dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
