he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you inspire me to be a worse person
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
