I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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