I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
