In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
