waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
