so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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