Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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