The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
