Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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