Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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