Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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