dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you win again, gameday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
