Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
