Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
